Monday, July 26, 2010

Reinventing Myself for the 56th Time; This Time, I'm Sure It'll Work

Hello again, family.
Today should've been, by all accounts, a good day. I woke up at noon and spent most of the rest of the day shopping. Every girl's perfect day, right?
The only problem is that going shopping is usually not the best experience for me. Today was especially painful, and I'll tell you why: of the twenty thousand things I tried on, only two fit, and those just barely.
Now I know that I am rather letting down my gender by conforming to the stereotype and whining about my weight. And I'm sorry about that, girls, but every stereotype exists for a reason, right? In fact, this stereotype is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If people tell us enough times that girls worry about their weight, we will.
But despite the fact that I shouldn't, I do worry. Even though I know I am letting down all the girls by not being forward and feminist and worrying about my appearance, I do. I don't feel good at this weight. When I'm out shopping and unable to fit into any of the clothes I try on, I'm only reminded of this fact.
So I am putting my reinvention into place yet again. This summer, I have gone overboard with the eating, but I am deciding, here in the blogosphere, that that stops now. And - fingers crossed that I find a running partner, because my mom is ridiculously protective and won't let me go out alone when we are travelling - I am going to start running again, every day, starting tomorrow.
They say that saying something aloud - or in this case, writing it down - helps make it real, and tangible. Hopefully now that I have announced my campaign to lose weight to the internet, it will become a reality in the physical world, too.
Tomorrow I am going running, dammit, and a speeding train couldn't stop me.

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